The case for a reversal of the calendar.
Bank holidays are wonderful! The prospect of a long weekend! All those extra hours to everything or to do absolutely fuck all. Half the fun is the anticipation!
And then the prospect is made even sweeter by the knowledge that before, after or both sides of the bank holiday you could be working a short week! Less time in the office! And if you are like me, the less time you are at work the better.
Now I say all this in the knowledge that there people who, for example, work in the hospitality industry, who don't get bank holidays off! Or Weekends period. Or business owners working every hour that God sends to make it work. Or parents, who I assume, like a bank holiday too, but who now have to figure out how to occupy a whole extra day of their children's time. These are just three examples of circumstances different to my own.
I am going to pretend none of this happens. I will feign complete and total ignorance of the nuances of life and create a bubble for myself in which everyone's circumstances are exactly like my own (single, childless, standard 9 to 6, Monday to Friday job, has disposable income. Not much, granted. But some).
In short, I am going to pull a psychological trick called a 'Piers Morgan', in which I refuse to acknowledge any reality different than what I experience directly.
So with my gentle haze suitably fitted I am going to propose:
'Productivity Days'
We all know bank holidays are awesome. And deep down inside, on a soul level, we know that this is how life should always be. There should always be a four day working week and a three day weekend. Instead of being additional time off, bank holidays should instead be additional working days for everyone. We would call them Productivity Days. And people would be excited about them and make statements like:
Oh gosh! I totally forgot! There is a Productivity Day this month.
There are two!
Fantastic!
Yaaas Queen!
I have got to find a way to fill the time.
What am I going to do? I didn't plan anything. Everyone is going to be working and I am just going to have FOMOOW (Fear of Missing out on Work).
People are going to stop each other on street and ask each other - what are you doing on this upcoming Productivity Day?
And people are going to be like:
Oh nothing too heavy, just potter around in the office. Might see my boss, do an appraisal, finish a report, water the office plants. You know that kind of thing. Nothing too much!
Totally.
When I was younger I used pack everything into my PDs but now I am just like nah! Do a few bits and chill y'know?
Totally.
What are you up to?
Just going to make a bunch of people redundant.
Cool! That's a big deal.
I know right! Been meaning to do it for ages!
See! It could work. I have only just begun to crack the potential of this idea but would welcome further ground breaking suggestions.
