I went on two dates in one week (almost)

I recently declared that I would reactivate my dating apps and I have. Well, only one so far – OKCupid. I have fluffed up my profile, uploaded new photos and warmed up the witty banter section of my brain.  Wouldn’t you know it I actually managed to score two dates!

 One was with a guy named George. We arranged to grab a drink on Wednesday. The second was with a happy chappie called Nath. We were scheduled to meet on Friday. I was actually looking forward to this. I had no expectations though. I think the best you can hope for is that you meet someone with good chat and whose company you can enjoy.

On Tuesday night, George and I were messaging. Nothing out of the ordinary, just the usual – what have you been up to etc. It’s not long before George tells me he is bored at home, doing something naughty and do I want to see?

*sigh*                  

Before I can answer, here comes a picture of his erection.

*eye roll*

I cancel the date. I don’t have anything against meeting someone and going straight to sex, just so long as everyone is conscious and consenting. But the part that makes me scratch my head is how you decide to sleep with someone before you have even met them? I guess for some, all that is required for sex to take place is another warm body, doesn’t matter whose. But I don’t want to go on a date with that expectation. I want the freedom to meet someone, get carried away with the fun and then decide to go home with them. Or not! I don’t want to be a ‘sure thing’. Attraction is wonderfully complex and simple at the same time and I would rather wait for someone who I can get excited about. And even though George tried to row it back and rewind his expectations of sex, the dick was out of the bag.

And we all know  once the dick is out, you can’t put it back it back in. Well not this time.

Nath and I had been messaging in the early part of the week, always through the app. Friday came though, and I hadn’t heard anything, so I went back onto OKCupid to check if he still wanted to meet. As it turned out, he had completely disappeared. His messages were gone from my inbox and his profile was missing from my page views. Obviously one of a few things had happened. One, he wasn’t single, and had to come off the site quickly. Two, he was kicked off by the powers that be at OKC for being naughty. Or three, and this seems most likely, he died.

I checked with my sister. She agrees with me that he must have died. It’s the only logical outcome and frankly if I meet a premature end I hope the same thing happens to me. That as soon as I die, some sort of cosmic force kicks into action, automatically deleting all my profiles on all the dating apps. Lord have mercy, if my mother has to contact Tinder and ask them to take down my profile.

What if she reads my messages?