No really! I mean properly naked. Like no underwear on, looking straight at a mirror, taking your best superman stance.

I touched on this subject with a friend the other day. And during that conversation it dawned on me that I don’t know what I look like naked right now. Do you?

I mean of course I have a general idea. After all I wash myself every day; I have some exposure to me.  If somehow separated from my own body and forced to identify it in a line up with other, similar bodies, I am about 95% certain I would pick it out accurately.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realised that I spend most of my time ignoring what is going on from the neck down. It’s strange to think that I could be a stranger to myself.

I have created a very specific set of circumstances in which I will give myself the once over. This is usually when I have been doing well with working out on a regular basis and not eating too much crap. That’s when I feel maximum levels of I-am-not-entirely-disgusting-and-offensive-to look-at-especially-if-I-squint-and-look-away-quickly.  So I do just that. Have a quick look and then put some clothes on before I change my mind.  I am convinced that if I admire myself for too long, I will start to realise that I was mistaken in my initial impression. That actually, I wouldn’t pass an inspection by another human being especially not when my this or my that is so ugly.

These ideal circumstances only come around about once a year!

I know all too well that I am not the only person who feels this way. The friend I spoke literally to cannot stand the way her body looks and feels, which is crazy because there is nothing at all unusual about her appearance; she has a very enviable figure.

How can we all feel so bad about the way we look? There are the obvious answers; we are constantly exposed to supposedly aspirational but usually unattainable images of how we should look in all forms of media. And it doesn’t matter how clued up you are about advertising or airbrushing, the barrage of images can still alter your own relationship with yourself. I’m smart…ish and I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, or idolise attributes of people with completely different genes to me. I know I should be above it all. But I am not. I reckon a lot of us are not above it all and just always feel bad about ourselves.

And it’s exhausting isn’t it? It’s tiring. Hating yourself demands actual energy. And that is the con! The amount of time you spend, ignoring or hating your body or face or physical self – imagine what you might have achieved if you swapped that pastime for another? They say it takes ten thousand hours of practise to become an expert at something, and I have certainly put in my hours of self-loathing. I have earned this badge. I have won the award. I am an expert and I bet you are too. 

So perhaps we should retire now? Just…well…give up the goose. Let the mist clear. Have a look at yourself. Maybe you will decide to make some changes, maybe not. But look do have a look, cop a feel and do it regularly. They say get to know your god. I am saying get to know your BOD!

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